If you are unfamiliar with the idea, the crab bucket metaphor is simple. Crabs placed in a bucket could easily escape if they acted independently. But when one crab starts to climb out, the others pull it back down. The result is predictable. No one gets out.
This behavior shows up everywhere. In the workplace. In social circles. Even in families.
It is closely related to tall poppy syndrome and what some call a zero sum mindset. If I cannot have it, neither can you. Progress becomes a threat instead of proof that improvement is possible.
For those of us living with multiple sclerosis or training in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, this mentality is especially destructive.
MS already pulls at you constantly through fatigue, symptoms, and limitation. BJJ adds its own pressure through comparison, hierarchy, and competition. The danger is not just others pulling you down. It is internalizing that voice and doing it to yourself.
I strained my LCL and instead of shutting training down completely, I kept showing up. I could not move normally. Certain directions were gone. Most of my game disappeared.
So I gave my back.
During live rounds I put myself in the worst position on purpose and worked only escapes. If I tried to cheat with the injured leg, it failed. If I could not escape without it, I got strangled. Over and over. For months.
There were plenty of moments where I thought this was dumb. I questioned whether I was wasting time or just being stubborn. But I stayed with it.
When the knee healed enough to return to full training, something unexpected happened. My back defense was no longer a weakness. It was one of my safest places.
No one pulled me out of that bucket. They let me climb the only way I could.
That is the difference between pulling and lifting. Pulling looks like comparison, resentment, or minimizing someone else’s progress. Lifting looks like space, patience, and allowing people to struggle without interfering.
Everyone is dealing with something. Some limitations are visible. Some are not.
Next time you see someone making progress, resist the urge to pull them back. Extend a hand when it is needed. Step aside when it is not.
Buckets are easy to fall into. Communities are built by people who choose to lift.